FOUR YEARS OF FUSSBALL: An American love story

  "Hockey on grass without the action or physicality".  June of 2010, this was my blanket assessment of the game of soccer (as we all it in the States).  It's a sentiment many of us have of the game that has just never been able to break into the realm of NFL, MLB, NBA or NHL here in America.  It was with the cynical attitude that I decided to look in on the 2010 South Africa games to see what all the fuss was about.  I chose Germany as my team (not yet realizing their elite standing in the world game) because I speak a bit of German, have ancestral ties and thought it would be a bit cliche to jump on team USA.  I watched the qualifying games with a tempered interest, cheered for goals and got into things a bit.  I liked that there were no commercials or breaks and that the 90 minutes went by quickly.  I got pretty worked up for the Germany/England match as I know a few fans of England and the English Premiere League who laid some smack taking on this newbie fan. A 4-1 German win provided me with a fun afternoon of television and a chance to engage some other fans for the first time.  Then July 4th weekend happened:

  I made the 4hr drive west to Pittsburgh to spend the weekend with some friends who lived outside of the city.  I had mentioned to them how into this whole World Cup thing I was getting and they mentioned the local Hoffbrauhaus hosted watch parties and that they'd be showing the Germany/Argentina quarter final while I was there.  I was dying to hit the Hoffbrauhaus anyway so this was two birds and one stone.  Little did I know, this was they day I was going to become a fussball fan.  I strolled in wearing my Miroslav Klose jersey to find a sea of jerseys, flags and atmosphere.  Strangers sitting together at huge tables sharing food, bier and pre match strategy.  Over the course of watching a 4-1 German victory and downing four liters of German bier, I watched the people and decided I want in on this!  I watched them as much as I watched the game....they understood the nuisances of the game and reacted in ways you'd only see during a college football rivalry game or an NHL or MLB game 7.  I was like a kid watching that game, cheering, but I wasn't always sure why, booing, but I wasn't sure why.....but I was having a blast.  I was hugging and drinking with complete strangers, screaming in German and joining in on soccer chants.

  It was after the 2010 World Cup and 3rd place finish that I decided I hadn't had enough.  There were a few players that I had attached myself to (Mueller, Schweinsteiger, Lahm) so I decided to look up the Bundesliga to see who some of these guys played for.  As luck would have it, they're all Bayern Munich guys!  I discovered a way to stream the games from Germany, it's perfect.....they play at 9:30am est on Saturday mornings.  Games are over before college football starts and the feeds are in German so I can practice listening to the language....a win, win, win. Over the last four seasons I've watched as many Bayern matches as possible.  I've watched them under achieve in my first season as a fan, I watched them lose a Champions League final on penalties to Chelsea and watched them take the treble in 2013.  I'm very partial to the Bundesliga, getting to know the players and teams, the German style of play and it's led me to be an avid fan of the National German team.  I'd have to say I'm hooked and I'm a fan for life!

  I had to write this piece today.....Germany plays Brazil in the 2014 semi final at 4pm and I want to make sure I'm still in a good frame of mind before writing.  In spite of Silva and Neymar not being on the pitch, I subscribe to the idea that "nobody will beat Brazil in Brazil until someone beats Brazil in Brazil".  Not saying it won't happen today but these guys seem to play with a horseshoe up their asses in front of their home country, so I'll be watching with tempered expectations and the hopes my boys can come out and shock the hosts.  After a 3rd place finish in '10, I am geared up to raise the trophy for the first time in 24 years.  Anything less will have me in a bad mood for a while.  I needed this piece to be written from the happiest place possible and that's where I am writing from.  Six and a half hours till match time, cold bier and food on the ready and a head full of anticipation.  So until then, as we stay in the States: Ich glaube, wir werden heute gewinnen!   

......And just in case you didn't see the game, Germany won 7-1 and Klose set the all time goals scored record in the World Cup.  

15 Months a Stay Home Dad: Father's Day

   This will be my 9th Father's Day and this past year has given me some real perspective on what the full panorama of fatherhood is all about.  This was the year that made me reshape my role as a parent and take a look at what it really is to be a successful father.  Fifteen months ago I was put in the position (and chose to remain) of the full time stay at home dad.

  There seem to be stages of acceptance men go through when we take on this massive change of lifestyle.  March of '13 I found myself "restructured" out of a high stress position and frankly my initial emotions were that of relief.  I saw it as freedom from a position I had grown to resent and an opportunity to connect more with my wife and three small boys.  We played the Mr. Mom scenario from the movie and my wife struck first, landing a fantastic position that could take care of our needs just as well as my previous job.  Never did that stereotypical "male pride" kick in, in fact I was very happy for her.  She is educated and capable in her field and she sacrificed career for over seven years that included two pregnancies and three births.  I was still decompressing and gladly took on the role of the full time parent.

  At some point into this process, it seems inevitable that guys begin to question their place in the family, their ability to live up to what a father is supposed to be, to have to rely on someone other than yourself to provide.  There is a lot of identity to let go of and I notice a lot of men develop a pretty big chip on their shoulder about it.....all the self doubt begins to project outward.  I've read all of those "things to never say to a stay home dad" lists and I was right there with them.  Hypersensitive to any observation, honest misconception or even paranoid feelings invented in our own minds.  Granted, we are a misunderstood minority but it seems many of us hit a stage where we feel wrongfully persecuted and judged and those feeling can become very counter productive and damaging.  For me, those feelings hit home in the late Autumn months and what could be worse for a dad than the impending Christmas season without the financial ability to come through huge for his children?  If you ever want to feel inept as a provider and traditional father, imagine a Christmas with no income.  A cold, snowy Northeast Winter, twin two year olds cooped up in the house, nobody around to talk to, sunsets before 5pm, months of looking at gray and dark from your window.  Seasonal depression is real and those are the eggs, milk and sugar of the recipe.  From mid-December, I began dealing with frequent anxiety attacks and depression that I was diagnosed as having toward the end of the Winter.  I was pulling my weight with the boys and keeping up the house but I had 110% lost myself.

  Don't fret, it gets happier here : )  After seeing my doctor & being prescribed an antidepressant that had a horrible effect on me, I decided to go after the issue on my own and reach out to some people in my inner circle.  I deleted all social media accounts and shrunk my circle to a hands on group that I've known most of my life.  It was just one random talk with a friend, that started innocent enough that gave me my moment of clarity.  He wasn't a stay home dad but he is a father, he gets the complexities of balancing family, marriage and career and how to balance that against maintaining an identity of who you are as an individual.  He's a few years older than I and recalled an eerily similar set of health issues he had at a similar stage of his own life.  I knew I wasn't the only one to go through this but it was what I needed to hear, that someone I knew and trusted has a similar set of circumstance and found his way through to the other side.  I've since discovered guided meditation, I'm taking those breaks my wife always offered me, I'm taking a chamomile supplement and my anxiety has very much come under control.  I've also come to embrace my new role in my household and notice the tangible effects I have.

  Fellas, your value to your family is not your paycheck!!!  The sooner this is understood the sooner you can learn to thrive in your role....and even if you are a breadwinner, don't think your value ends at your paycheck.  I looked back and saw the time I spent in the Summer with my oldest son, preparing him for second grade.  We spent an hour every weekday, introducing him to what he'd see in his upcoming year.  During his school year, I worked with him every night and when the year came to a close, he was a high honors student with high A's in every graded class and had "outstanding" in all behavioral based areas of his report card.  I look at my twin sons and see just how far they have developed over this past year.  Two totally different individuals that develop at their own pace and have really come into their own.....and I was there for all of it.  All of these things have tangible value and didn't cost a penny.....it was simply the time that my new role in the family allowed to spend with them.  My sons are 8, 3 & 3, they could care less how my 401-k is looking or what kind of interest rate I have on my auto loan, in a few years' time they will never remember what they got for Christmas in a given year.  What they know and what they'll REMEMBER is the time their father invests in them.  Also, If you live in the traditional "husband wife" set up of the breadwinner and homemaker and you have the chance to reverse roles, DO IT.  It's been an absolute blessing to our marriage.  Spending seven years in a set role, it's only natural take your partners' role for granted and not appreciate their stress and demands.  Walking a year in the other's role has made us more of a team with a higher level of compassion for each other than at any other point in our lives.  This isn't the "week of vacation" appreciation of seeing what it's like around the house all day.....that has an endpoint and plans are made over that time.  This has to be a long term deal, a real role swap.  It's tough at first but the long term benefit is amazing.

  As I started, this is my ninth Father's Day as a father.  I have three sons and I thought I was getting to be an old pro at this dad stuff until my script was flipped and I discovered just how much better it can get.  I think I'll appreciate this Father's Day a bit more after these last 15 months.  The full scope of being a dad is great when you don't limit yourself to "mom roles" and "dad roles" just be a parent and enjoy the ride.  Try not to take offense to everyone and everything they say if you're a stay homer...nobody is trying to put you down and even of they are, they ought to be jealous of the rare gift you have in your life.  Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there!

....a bit of a ps, my days of being 100% stay home may be coming to an end.  I'm in the early stages of accepting a part time position doing job placement and career skills with individuals with physical and mental disabilities.  Not being in a position where I "have to" go out and find work has allowed me to spot something I want to do and pursue it.  We'll see how it plays out but my #1 job is always "dad".

State of a Yankee fan, feeling my age at last

  

 As a lifelong Yankee fan, there's a temptation to see me as a silver spooned baseball fan, however my life began in 1979, the year after the Yankees won a World Series.  They didn't win another until I was a Senior in high school.  When you're in grade school, it's the easiest time to change sports alliances but I didn't do so with the Yankees even though some regional teams, such as the Mets and Pirates had some strong runs and a solid youth fanbase throughout the 1980's.  Over those years I left the Cowboys to become a Raiders fan, left the Flyers to become a Capitals fan and Georgetown basketball for Indiana.....but never the Yankees.

  From around 1993 forward it's been a blessing to be a Yankees fan.  Sure all the huge money is spent but it had been spent properly.  Look no further than recent spending sprees by Boston, Anaheim, Miami, Toronto, etc... in recent year that have lead to disastrous results.  I always credited that Yankee core of home grown players and the right mix of veterans to keep the ship right.  When people would hit me with the "you bought the championship" argument, I could always counter with Posada, Jeter, Bernie, Andy, Mariano, and further down.... Rickey Ledee, El Duque, Shane Spencer and other guys they were lucky enough to hit on.

  There's a whole new kind of feeling now with the last piece of the mid-90's resurrection leaving us this season.  It feels like the team identity is leaving, when in reality it's been in flux for years.  Paul, Bernie, Jorge, Andy, Mo......each one took a little bit of that "it factor" along with them.  Only now that the final and biggest piece is coming to an end, do we realize how many years we've been fortunate to see this kind of run and just like our own best years, how quickly they seem to have passed by.

  Certainly to look around the team now, there are players that will be in line to succeed and carry the team through the next several years.  McCann, Ellsbury, Tanaka, Gardner......newer high ceiling guys like Solarte, Nova and Pineda.  Sadly, of that list, only Gardner and Nova are "home grown" and it's hard to say now how that group will pan out over the years.  If nothing else, I take solace that in the modern age of the game with the network revenue and the Yankee "global brand", there's no way we should expect much more than a down year or two, if any.  Still, it's an empty solace....seeing a team that will most likely be built on free agency instead of the organic way a crop of draft picks and international signings rose through the minor leagues to go on to win 4 championships in 5 years.

  So now we Yankee fans who grew up in the 80's, were showered in success through high school and college are now home owners, parents, bosses, a little more gray, a few pounds heavier and just to remind us of what our mid-late 30's feel like.....the guys we grew up watching are all just about out of the game.  But hey, what a ride it was!  Let's see our kids have a team that goes on a run that we can't throw the Yankees from 1994-2014 up against and knock them down to size.  Now I know where my dad was coming from with his Mantle/Maris talk when I was a kid watching Mattingly.

Introduction II - Just the tip (TWSS)

  Decided to start a blog just to let the thoughts out of my head that don't allow me to sleep at night.  Too often my head hits the pillow and my mind starts going overtime with ideas and hypothetical scenarios, I dive into them and think them the whole way thorough only to find most of it gone in the morning.  I don't expect a lot of consistency in what I write or frequency but at the very minimum, my thoughts are getting out and I'm putting them somewhere for safe keeping.

  Simplest definitions for an introduction: I'm a father of three boys who, after roughly a decade in HR and office management, became a stay home father in May of 2013.  I'll get more into that on it's own merit but this is just for introduction purposes.  I am, like many like me, very big into sports and my dream job would have been as a sports writer or broadcaster.  For the record, the teams are: New York Yankees, Oakland Raiders, Washington Capitals, New York Knicks, Indiana men's basketball, Notre Dame football and Bayern Munich fussball.  I've not only lived my entire life in the same town, I've managed to maintain the same mailing address for all of my 25 years (again, more on that later).  Many of my interests are limited to my surroundings...I spend most of every day with twin toddlers, so my time is their time.  I'm content with that.  It's a life of pop up books, play grounds, sidewalk chalk and cartoons.  Personally, by the time I have time for myself, it's usually late and I'm tired so my interests are set to sports on TV, music, movies, etc... Big fan of The Blacklist, Walking Dead, Fargo, The Goldbergs, Archer, WWE.....on the opposite end, I loathe reality TV and the talent shows that take themselves too seriously as if they're more than glorified versions of the Gong Show.  I'm sure all of this has a lot to do with my my head won't shut off at night....most of my thoughts through the day aren't thoughts for myself.  I have always had an active mind and imagination so I can only assume that when I finally realize I can catch up with myself, I have a lot of catching up to do.

  So here it goes, totally free form......I never know what's going to be in my head but if the idea won't let me be, odds are it will be put here for safe keeping.


                                          BEAR CONDITIONING

Introduction I - Stupid Politics

                                POLITICS

  We can get the ridiculous right out of the way but as a way to introduce the kind of person I am, I suppose this is a wide enough topic to start with.  When it comes to political affiliation, I've quit.  I no longer vote and I'm content to live for my family, operating withing the rules they put on us.  Because to fight it or to care too much about it is pure insanity.   I suppose the most honest way I view the political system is this:  Imagine a huge machine that keeps your daily life running and every once in a while there's a time when some gears need to be changed out as part of routine maintenance.  To make it fun for everyone and to make them feel as if they can somehow have a say in how this big machine works to run their lives, they allow us to choose the gear we use.  We're presented with two gears, one blue, one red.  We're told this is a huge decision and we must consider the value of each gear and decide what one we think will make the machine work to benefit us most.  There are preconceived ideas that either the blue or red gear will interact with other parts and obviously give us a certain result, all the benefits of each gear are spelled out on the box label and we all get charged up with vigor when we decide on what gear we want.  We fight over it, we try to sway our loved ones to see it our way.....that the other gear just cannot work.  What I decided to do one day was take each gear out of the box and look them over.  I held them in my hands, they weighed the same.  I put them against each other, all the cogs lined up and they were the same diameter and thickness.  I looked at the stamp on each product to see they were made at the same facility.  Then, I decided to wash off the paint to discover two identical silver gears.  They are simply packaged and sold to us, making us believe we're making some kind of educated choice in the matter.  They can paint the gears any color they like, once the're put in the machine, they're a stainless steel, factory made, generic part that is designed to keep a machine running.  A machine that has been running longer than anyone I know can remember and that was designed by people who died generations ago.  Yet somehow the factory is still making these gears and we keep on buying them up, expecting that somehow this machine will change its course.  I stopped buying it.